Friday, April 01, 2011

Fair Play

I sometimes skip posting on April Fool's Day altogether because I feel obliged to perpetrate some stunt. I'm a horrible liar and I don't like tricking people. Then I came across a stunt too stupid to live, and decided it deserves this occasion to be outed. Just remember, if you think this is a really stupid blog entry, you're getting it instead of no blog entry, not instead of a dissertation on the inlet anti icing of the CRJ-200.

If you use Facebook you might remember a meme a while ago where women posted just a colour to their status, without indicating that it was the colour of their bra. The purpose of this was to promote breast cancer awareness. I suppose the theory is that some man would say "why do all the women have colours as their Facebook status?" and the woman would reply, "Do you know that regular mammograms over age forty used to be promoted as a crucial tool in reducing breast cancer mortality, but recent research shows that the technique finds fewer cancers than expected, that ten times as many women are subjected to the stress of unnecessary biopsies as are helped by the screening, and that its possible some cancers are actually caused by the screening radiation?" And then the guy says, Yeah, they really thought that through. But that's not the stupid part yet.

The next phase in women's stupid Facebook status required the poster to use a prepositional phrase to fill in the blank on her status of "I like it _____," and the "secret" was that the women were revealing not their kinky sexual preferences, but where they routinely leave their purses inside their homes. I don't know if this one was to promote breast cancer awareness or just to facilitate life for burglars, but some women were really into this whole, "We have a secret that men don't know," thing. I don't support arbitrary secrets just because, so when the latest one hit my inbox, now no longer in support of anything except annoying men, I decided to turn double agent.

In the next few days, if you see a bizarre female statuses, it's because your Facebook friends have constructed it according to the following formula.

Pick the month you were born:
January-------I kicked
February------I loved
March----------I karate chopped
April------------I licked
May------------I jumped on
June-----------I smelled
July------------I did the macarena with
August--------I had lunch with
September----I danced with
October-------I sang to
November-----I yelled at
December-----I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1-------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a snowman
6-------a gangster
7-------my mobile phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friend's boyfriend
10-------my neighbour
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18-------a spoon
19------- a smurf
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an iPod
29-------a surfer
30-------a homeless guy
31-------a llama

What is the last number of the year you were born:
1--------- in my car
2 --------- on your car
3 --------- in a hole
4 --------- under your bed
5 --------- riding a motorcycle
6 --------- sliding down a hill
7 --------- in an elevator
8---------- at the dinner table
9 -------- in line at the bank
0 -------- in your bathroom

Pick the colour of shirt you are wearing:
White---------because I'm cool like that.
Black---------because that's how I roll.
Pink-----------because I'm NOT crazy.
Red-----------because the voices told me to.
Blue-----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want.
Green---------because I think I need some serious help.
Purple---------because I'm AWESOME!
Gray----------because Big Bird said to and he's my leader.
Yellow---------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars.
Orange---------because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway.
Brown---------because I can.
Other----------because I'm a Ninja!
None----------because I can't control myself!

Do with this knowledge what you will. Happy April Fish.


sean said...

Not fair:
I loved a goat in your bathroom because that's how I roll.

Ward said...

I sang to a noodle in a hole because I'm sexy and I do what I want.

Anonymous said...

This is an ingenious way to mine people's birth dates. With a photo you could reasonably guess the 10s digit of the year they were born. just like the bra color thing where I (male) lied and said red polka dots all over, if I respond to this I'll lie :)

Anoynmous said...

I fixed breakfast for the chief of police next to a drawbridge because SOMEONE had to do it.

townmouse said...

Clearly I'm not in the sisterhood because I've never heard of either of these memes (of course that may just be becuase I'm hardly ever on facebook). Ah well, guys, if you're feeling left out, it's not just you.

coreydotcom said...

I smelled a spoon at the dinner table because Big Bird told me to and he's my leader

hihihihi lol.

DeAnn said...

too funny not to let you know I am lmao ... "because I am cool like that!"

DataPilot said...

I refuse to bring my bra color into this discussion. However, the shirt I'm wearing right now is white with pink and green flowers. That must be because I'm mostly cool, but NOT crazy, and I need some serious help.

Ouch, that hits way too close to home.

Sarah said...

My status would be "I like it where I won't remember where I put it." Sounds kinky.

I danced with Chuck Norris in an elevator.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe I'm doing this.... I sang to a lima, in a hole, because I'm cool (not) like that....

Enjoy what you've started.....


amulbunny's random thoughts said...

I smelled an Ipod in a hole because I'm sexy and I do what I want.

Jim said...

I did the macarena with Chuck Norris riding a motorcycle, because Big Bird said to and he's my leader.

Ward said...

Jim's is the best!