Recorded Food Cravings

Comediens Tim Gadzinski and Charlie Recksieck read a few cockpit voice recorder transcripts and then wrote this parody. It's a little juvenile (be warned) but I've heard something resembling most individual parts on real flight decks. I identify strongly with the food cravings.

I used to have an aerial work job where I usually flew with one particular crew member. He was a licenced wrestling announcer. No, we weren't doing aerial WWF commentary: I just find it amusing that you need a real licence to be an announcer for fake wrestling. Apparently it can be dangerous, so the licencing requirement ensures that people doing the job have had some minimal training on I suppose staying out of the way, ducking, and the hazards of getting splattered by other people's blood. That's relevant to nothing, just characterization. This crew member was also extraordinarily, frighteningly fond of a particular television show. More characterization. He was a good guy to fly with.

So it would be seven in the morning and one of us would mention guacamole, or lemon merangue pie, or pyrogies with bacon, or something, and then the other would agree that that was a very fine food. And we'd fixate on it for the whole flight. We'd land at some inappropriate hour of a Saturday morning with a craving for quesadillas or curly fries. I remember once going through a telephone book after landing, trying to find a sushi restaurant that was open at nine am.

That operation didn't require and didn't have a CVR, and even if it had, the tapes of an uneventful flight are quickly overwritten on subsequent flights. In the event of an accident, publically released transcripts only include dialogue relevant to the occurance, so any pre-incident guacamole cravings go unreported.