Someone has tired of IFR rule dissections, and sent me an e-mail request for funny things pilots say on the radio. You have to realize that funny things pilots say on the radio are about as funny as funny things people yell in bars. That is, generally not that funny except that they were unexpected. So if you're reading this expecting it to be funny, you're going to be disappointed.
I had just departed an airport on a nice day and was still on the departure/arrival frequency. Another aircraft, male voice, called up for a clearance into another airport in the area. We'll call his flight "Wolverine 53" as I have no recollection what it was, and wolverines are probably as amusing as the story. Unless they attack.
ATC: Wolverine 53 cleared left visual runway 33 Lake Airport.
Male Pilot: Left visual 33, thank you, that gets me a bowl of clam chowder.
Female Pilot: Are you sure you didn't want to give us the right visual?
Apparently the crew had a clam chowder-based bet on which downwind they'd be assigned. Another:
ATC: Panda 12 keep the speed up, faster traffic in trail.
Pilot: [fake Scottish accent] We're givin' it all she's got.
ATC: Aye aye Scotty.
ATC: Panda 12 you can reduce the warp speed now.
Star Trek references are pretty common in aviation.
Quite amusing! Thanks!
The star trek references being further proof that yes, pilot dorkery runs rampant!
dorks are the borg. we are everywhere, you just don't realize it. yet.
I just about sprayed Coke through my nose yesterday reading the Star Trek reference and then thinking about that happening during one of my flights.
How hard does it become to fly a plane when laughing uncontrollably?
I can't think that I've ever been convulsed with laughter to an extent that affected aircraft control. The difficulty is making your next call to ATC without laughing. Usually I start the call laughing anyway, so they know their humour was appreciated.
I fear automated air traffic control. It would be too boring to heed.
Not exactly funny radio chatter but mildly amusing to me at least.
I was setting up for final at my (then) home field. Another aircraft from our FBO tried to slip in ahead of me by flying underneath (FAA VFR rules say lower aircraft wins).
Tower saw this and, as it happened, a controller I had befriended was the one on duty. She then called them and vectored them completely ourside of her airspace, which made them have to re-request permission to enter, get in line (it was busy hour).
By the time they got back to the FBO, I had put my plane to bed, done my paperwork and recanted the tale to the other pilots in the lounge. When the other guys finally arrived they were greeted by me, all relaxed with a Coke and a phone message "please call the tower".
I too have had the tower make someone pay for their apparent stupidity of lack or courtesy. One flight, another plane waiting at the holdshort line made a rude comment about us backtracking (with the towers approval) while he was waiting.
He had called his ready for takeoff after we had already made the 180, so he was stuck at that point.
After his snarky remark, the tower cleared him into position and then made him hold for a few minutes for no apparent reason while leisurely answering other less important matters.
I think he got the hint.
BTW, I remember reading somewhere in the past that if the tower ever asks you to call them after a flight that one isn't obligated to do so?
Can anyone confirm/deny/elaborate on this?
I can confirm that ATC has a strong sense of justice, and I'll check on some Canadian controllers' opinion on the phone call.
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