Teenage Girlfriend

Cockpit Conversation reader David Megginson suggested that being a pilot at the low end of the industry looking for a job is like being a fifteen-year-old boy looking for a girlfriend. The analogy is so apt I considered assigning all my mammals new names appropriate for teenage girls, and recoding the entire blog to match. Because it completely describes the situation.

One of the biggest problems a teenage guy has is just picking up the phone, or walking up to the girl in the hall, and talking to her. There's a general terrified paralysis. Generally my problem is getting access to the people I have to talk to, but there must still be dozens of times that I haven't called someone because it was scary, or I didn't know what to say. There are only so many times you can straighten your hair, put on a big smile, and say, "So would you like to go to a movie with me Friday after school?" Sometimes she ignores you, or declines politely, but you always know she's running off around the corner to snicker with her girlfriends.

The prom queen Air Canada has been this unobtainable dream, but lately I heard a rumour. (Jenny told Crystal who told Andy that Air Canada might want to go out with me, but it's really hard to tell. Maybe I should ask Bearskin to ask Air Labrador to find out if Air Canada thinks I'm cute). I want to go out with her, but I can't just walk up and ask her. She's always with her parents, who insist on formality. So I'm trying to get introduced to her. That's a long process.

Then there's WestJet, who is every bit as sexy as Air Canada and more of a free spirit. I've tried to get her attention, too, but I don't think she knows who threw the spitballs. She likes more experienced guys, anyway.

And I do want to get some experience. I mean what if I got a date with someone I really liked and she wanted me to do stuff I've never done? Better to make those mistakes with someone else, right?

I'm learning that some of the girls I've lusted after for years are pretty easy. I just need to be there at the right time and I'd be going home with them. But what if I missed the opportunity to ask a classy girl out, because I was spending time with an easy one? The places they live aren't exactly on the bus routes. And some of those sluts could be seriously hazardous to my health.

It's hard to stay focused on just a few when there are so many around. You've just got your priorites straightened out when another one walks by. She's got nice clothes, a pair of really big engines, smells so good, and everything else is forgotten as you chase after her. And that energy might be better spent grooming myself for the one I really want. Ooh, but this one is shiny!

It's all so complicated and confusing. Sometimes I'm tempted to spend the rest of my life where I am, with my sister. She is, after all, nice to me, fun to be around, and is pretty much guaranteed not to dump me. It's just, you know, weird to grow old with your sister. And you don't get any.